Jeff Buckley's Wings Brushed My Face

Jeff Buckley, Gregorian Punk
Relief Block Print, 2004
Stephen Alcorn

A couple of weeks ago Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley played from my iPod and immediately after Fire and Rain by James Taylor came on. The combination was so appropriate that I suddenly felt very sad and it came into my head to write this post... So here it is.

Many years ago, when I lived in Manhattan, I had the amazing good fortune to spend a night hanging out with Jeff Buckley. At the time I lived a couple of blocks from Grammercy Park, I loved it there. One evening I was home alone and feeling a bit bored when my roommate's best friend called to try to get Jared to go out and play with him. Jared was an aspiring actor, a handsome young man who was working at The MercBar that evening, if memory serves. I don't remember Jared's buddy's name but, no matter, we'll call him Jack to make the storytelling easier.

Okay so... Jack was terribly bored and since Jared wasn't home he decided that I would have to step up and take my roomy's place. It took some convincing but finally I gave in. I figured, Monday night, free drinks at Beauty Bar... Why not? I quickly pulled myself together and walked the few blocks down to Fourteenth Street where Jack was waiting at the bar. We'd been sipping our drinks for only a short time when Jack gestured to a guy sitting by himself at one of the tables and said, "Jeff Buckley's here." At the time I had no idea who Jeff Buckley was and Jack spoke quite casually, so I assumed that he was a friend of Jack and Jared's. I looked over at the lonely looking guy and felt a little sad for him so I asked Jack to invite his friend to come sit with us. He gave me a funny look and then smiled and said, "Sure, why not..."

At first glance Jeff had seemed quite ordinary but when he came over to join us and I looked into his eyes... Yikes, that boy was gorgeous and his eyes were full of light. He and I spoke about fashion for awhile because I was a fashion stylist at the time and he really enjoyed fashion. I remarked immediately on his intense presentness. Conversing with him was a pleasure because there was not one iota of distraction in his eyes. Often times in bars or clubs people's eyes are wondering around looking to see who's doing what with who. Jeff Buckley's gorgeous brown eyes looked directly and deeply into my own as we spoke and his energy was intoxicating to be near. He didn't seem at all surprised that I had no idea who he was, although I still didn't know so I can only say he seemed very relaxed and comfortable in himself. At one point when Jeff went to the bathroom Jack tried to tell me that Jeff Buckley was a famous musician but when you've never heard of a person it's kind of difficult to really get it. I thought perhaps he was exagerating a little bit.

Jeff and I were discussing our concepts of spirituality and we somehow got onto the subject of the Crusades. At the time I was just getting over being very unhappy with the Catholic Church because of it's adverse effect on a man that I love very much. (Growing up Catholic had turned him away from all things spiritual.) I'd just finished reading *The Mists of Avalon several months before and it had helped me to start to overcome my bitter feelings and come to terms with the change that Christianity brought to the world when it suppressed the Earth Religions. Jeff was extremely disturbed by these things too and we discussed this for quite some time. A couple of hours and several subjects later the bartender decided that we three were not enough for him to justify staying open so we were given the boot.

I suggested that we go down to this crazy Aussi bar that I liked on Ludlow Street called Barramundi. When we arrived one of the bartenders was pulling the gate down over the door. I said something about what a bummer that they were closing and the bartender was like, "Yeah, sor..." but as he turned he saw Jeff and said, "Hell, I'll open up for Jeff Buckley!" and immediately pulled the gate back up and let us in. I turned to Jeff and was like, "Who the hell are you?" He laughed and shrugged.

The bartender called the owners of the bar and soon we had a small crowd of people around us. They all seemed to think that Jeff was my boyfriend and I didn't play with it but I didn't correct them either. We had a lovely time talking until the wee hours of the morning. Finally one of the Aussi bartenders came over and told Jeff they had some food prepared for him in the back. He got up to follow her and suddenly I realized that I was exhausted and decided it was pumpkin time for me. I told him so and the bartender smiled and said that the food was for me too, of course! I thanked her but said it was time for me to be off. Jeff asked if I was certain, I told him I was and I gave him a hug and turned to leave. As I was walking out the door he called out to me from across the bar, "Jen, I'll read The Mists of Avalon, I will!" I laughed and waved goodbye.

I had always thought that I would see him again but I never did. The crazy thing is that I never knew until after he passed what an incredible musician he was. I didn't listen to his music until after he was gone, I don't know why. I was at Puffy's Tavern, down in Tribeca, when I heard the news of his drowning. I cried for the loss of the world when he passed. There was one thing that I did recognize about Jeff Buckley when I first met him, the moment I looked into his eyes I could see that his soul was deep and beautiful and when he looked into my eyes I felt truly seen by him. Jeff Buckley was an angel walking this Earth.

Who knows, perhaps I will see him again.

* "The Mists of Avalon" is a great book by Marion Zimmer Bradley.